I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
