is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.