Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.