You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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