They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
