You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
