You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
