she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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