let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
