I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
