Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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