There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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