I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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