Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
