ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
