Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
