she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
