i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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