I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
