I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
