I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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