In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
