dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
