you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're like the curious george of whores
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
