You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
