What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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