Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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