I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
