You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize