Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
