i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
