i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
