In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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