sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
