apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
