The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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