it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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