1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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