You were right. It hurts to walk today.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
