There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm really into asian looking animals
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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