I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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