she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
