john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
