I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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