I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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