that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
