Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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