I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
