Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
