So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
