i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
