Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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