i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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