I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
