people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
