I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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