Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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