Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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