At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
