he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sext me about skeletons
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
